I haven't blogged for the longest time. I've thought about it, but I just haven't done it.
School started and I am always busy now, but I'm OK with that. Being busy is kind of my thing. Amidst all the busyness though, I still manage to find time to over think anything and everything (usually when I'm falling asleep.)
The past few days I've been thinking about the fact that six years ago today I had my second heart surgery. I remember this surgery vividly. The first one I don't remember at all. I'd be concerned if I did because I was only a few days old.
For some reason, I remember so many details of this day and the days leading up to it and the days after it. I randomly start replaying things in my head. It's quite annoying, actually. It puts me in a bad mood and it brings me down. That's not OK.
I've spent yesterday and today in a mental battle of living in the present and living in the past. It's an odd place to be, but it's a place of growth to be quite honest.
Living in my past isn't going to change it. Reliving it isn't going to make it any better or any worse. Let the past be past. A friend of mine told me today that I have power over my thoughts. I have control of my mind. And, as a control freak, I was OK with hearing I have control over my mind even if it doesn't seem like I do.
I have the power to stop negative thoughts. I have the power to live in the present.
Those two sentences have so much meaning. They are statements that have a can-do attitude. They're positive, but they're so difficult to do.
I haven't gotten any answers on how to be present all the time. I actually am not succeeding a whole lot right now, but I just got a text that might help:
"Anytime one [a thought] comes back just say, Lord, I'm agreeing with the negative in life right now. And I want to agree positively with You. Help please. SOS."
All day, I've been telling myself, "It's Oct. 3, 2012 not Oct. 3, 2006. Today is its own day." Has it helped? Yeah. Am I still wrestling a lot of thoughts and emotions? Yeah.
I feel like there's a lot more I could write, but I think I'm going to stop because if I keep going, I'm going to either a.) get into too much detail 2.) start playing things through my head, which is what this whole post is about not doing and III.) this whole thing is just words, there isn't any kind of flow at all and my inner-writing nerd is telling me to stop before it gets worse.
I leave you with this: Today. That's all you need to focus on.
