Summing Up Sunday's Sermon: Jesus' Family is Huge

Well, apparently it has been nearly a year since I last blogged on here. My bad.

Since it's been so long, I feel like this should be a good one. A little more than just some random life update, which by the way, life has been going pretty well. I'm the Editor-in-Chief at The Slate, my wedding is nearly planned, I have both my major and minor completed and I graduate in May.

Moving on to the topic of this post...

Who is Jesus?

It's Advent now and everyone is gearing up to hear the same Christmas story he/she has heard for the 50th time. How do you prevent that redundancy? How do you get something new out of a story that seems to have been exhausted of all possible avenues of knowledge?

Simple answer: You don't. You read a different version.

Complex answer: Well, that's what this post is all about.

On Sunday, the first day of Advent, my pastor (Dr. Fidati, he's super awesome at what he does) went through Jesus' family tree. Sounds boring, right? Wrong!

He broke it down in a way I never thought was possible. To be quite honest, I (and most likely you) skipped this part when I was reading the Christmas story and all of the things leading up to it because of the crazy names that seem pointless and just like fluff from a history book.

But, here's a newsflash that I missed for years: There is no fluff in the Bible. Everything is important and everything has a purpose (like you).

However, Jesus' family tree is incredible important and not just because lineage was a thing back then.

Matthew 1 is where the scripture started. If you look at your Bible, you can see the divisions in the verses. This is where my mind was blown.

Verses 2 through 6 are the patriarchs. They're the guys who laid the groundwork for Jesus' birth...2,000 years earlier! It ends with, "Jesse the father of David the king." Verse 6 continues, but it continues in a new paragraph.

After that, it continues until verse 11 which reads, "...at the time of the deportation to Babylon." There's more to the verse, but the most important part is the deportation part.

The last section of this genealogy ends in verse 16 that finally mentions Jesus. So, if you picture a comedic scene where some teenage girl is talking about her best friend's-cousin's-uncle's-wife's-sister's-brother's-husband's-friend's-great grandfather who was on the Western Front in World War I, you might have an accurate picture. But, the only confusing part about Jesus' family tree is the names and knowing why they're significant.

This whole family tree fad happening in today's world is nothing new. Genealogy has been important since, like, ever. But, these aren't just names in a list.

No, these names have a reason and the people who had those names had a purpose.

Looking at the first section, those guys are the ones who got everything started. They laid the foundation. They created something. Ah, created. That's important.

Creation. The first thing that happens in the Bible. Everything is good after creation is finished. God is pleased with His handiwork. Everything is perfect, just like the framework the people in the first section came up with.

It all goes back to a promise God made to Abram back in Genesis. That's where everything started because we all know that the perfect creation didn't last long. And, as we can see in the second section, King David as a high note to end on, but deportation to Babylon isn't exactly the cat's pajamas.

Deportation. Did anybody else get deported? Yep. Adam and Eve got the boot from the Garden of Eden. So, that makes this section of verses equivalent to the fall.

But, then what? Jesus shows up in the third grouping. Isn't He the promise of redemption throughout the Old Testament? It may not directly name Him, but there are tons of references to the guy who's going to show up and save us all.

Redemption. Jesus is the redeemer. He has been since the beginning. How cool is that?!

What's even cooler is that even though this is Jesus' family tree, it's full of sinners and people who aren't necessarily considered "good." It's full of royalty but it's also got a lot of common people in it. Also remember, that this is all after the original fall so everyone in this list is a sinner, except Jesus.

The people in the last grouping? Nobody knows exactly who they are. They're not mentioned anywhere else in the Bible and if they are, it's just in passing. They're "nobodies." They're everyday people. Like you and me. That means Jesus is part of their family.

Think about that.

The only perfect man to ever walk the Earth is part of a regular person's family tree. And, guess what? He's part of yours too if you let Him.

All of these people in Jesus' lineage played some sort of role in Jesus getting here. If you want a new take on Christmas, check out the backstory. Read about the people in Jesus' genealogy.

This is all just from the first week of Advent's sermon. I don't know if I'll remember to write about the rest. This one just got me super excited and I wanted to share this with all of you.

There's always a new story to be found, especially in a book full of stories about people.

Peace.

Cara

Raw Honesty.

Whaddup?! I hope everyone is doing well. How are those resolutions...or lack of resolutions going? Good? Excellent.

Mine are going well too. How many times have you gotten caught up in the hustle and bustle of life and felt like you don't know who you are any more? You lose sight of what you were living for and why. Sometimes it's really drastic and sometimes it's really subtle. It can build slowly and explode. Other times it can seem like everything comes crashing down at once.

I've had both happen individually and at the same time.

Back when I was 14, everything I knew about teenagedom changed. All I knew was chasing boys and having a new crush every other week. That, and basketball. Something I had always known about, but never really understood altered my current life. The surgery I had as a baby apparently wasn't the only one I was destined to have. I had another surgery when I was 14. It seemed like everythingI knew slipped away. But, I got through it.

Trial one: completed.

A year later, age 15, my life flipped upside down again. My best friend, the one who I talked guys with, confided in, hung out with, had sleepovers with had her whole life change forever. Her older brother, the one who was one year older than me, was killed in a car accident. Oh, I forgot to mention, a few months before that, I had a heart catheterization to fix something and they couldn't because of the location. Meaning, another surgery isn't out of the picture any more, but it isn't necessarily in the picture either. Things can stabilize forever or get worse. Anyway, my best friend just lost her brother and her life will never be the same. However, since we were so close, it affected me a lot. I hurt for her. I hurt for her family. I hurt for his friends. I hurt for me.

Trial two: completed.

Life never went back to "normal." But, what is normal? Anyway, because both of these events happened at what can be considered crucial times of your life, they kind of shaped me. I started to find my identity in them. I started to let those events define me. They did.

I finally graduated high school and came to college. The first year and a half was great. Then, halfway through sophomore year, I had an identity crisis. I lost sight of "who I was." But, truth is, I never knew who I was. I found my identity in my past and in traumatic events. I let terrible things tell me who I was. So, once I got to college and started to realize those things weren't really who I was. Those were just events. And, I realized I can't keep basing my identity off of them. I won't say I never had true faith, because I know I did, but I didn't let my faith define me. I didn't let Christ define me. Because of that, I had a crisis of faith. But, not only did I nearly lose my faith in everything, but also in myself. I lost my self-confidence. I lost my self-worth. I lost sight of what was important.

What is important? Everything. Everything is important. Everything matters. I pushed away all of my friends except for two, one of which is now my fiancé and the other is my maid of honor. Luckily everyone I pushed away has enough grace to last them forever because none of them left me, despite how hard I tried to get rid of them. Partway through this time, I did make a new friend. He helped reset me. Between him and my other two friends, I started to get back on track. But, that wasn't the end.

Stress still piled on and I still tried to find my identity in my past, which made me lie to myself. I told myself I was too far gone. I said I couldn't be saved. After awhile though, I started to recognize those as lies.

Between those lies and almost giving up, I've lost complete sight of who I am and who I was. I've always known who I wanted to be...for the most part. A lot of times who I want to be and who I think I need to be or should be get confused, but I'm learning.

Recently all of this came crashing down on me in the form of a panic attack. It was really terrifying. I can't tell you how many times I thought I hit the bottom. But, this time, I know that's where I'm at. When I think about how far I have to go and how high I have to climb to get out of the hole I'm in, I don't know how to react. I start to freak out. I start to worry. Then, I say a prayer. I reset myself. I find my center. Christ.

This hasn't been easy. (It hasn't been easy to write either. Being raw and broken isn't something I'm good at.) This process won't be easy. But, I'm slowly starting to have a little more faith and trust and hope that someday it's all going to work out. I'm never going to be alone. I am one of God's children.

Where am I going to start to find my identity? Where are you? Who are you? I can tell you who I am. I am Cara. I am a child of God. 

It's a new year, do you really need a new you?

It is three days into 2013 and so far, it's a great year. It might even be the best year yet. Do you know why? I'm going to go ahead and say no, you don't know why. Have no fear, I'm going to tell you.

This year is the best yet because I didn't set myself up for failure from the get go. I didn't start with a list of expectations. I didn't make any "New Year's Resolutions." I woke up Tuesday morning with the same goals I had on Monday, "Wake up. Figure it out from there." 

For some reason, we have created this idea that everyone is required to make resolutions to better themselves every year. There's nothing wrong with that idea except for one thing: We set outrageous goals and rarely stick with them for more than a few weeks. Sure, there are the exceptions where people do follow through with their resolutions, but it seems like the majority of people have a difficult time sticking with them. 

A lot of times people start the new year wanting to lose weight or be healthier. They want to go to the gym every day and eat healthier. Sounds great, right? Well, yeah, it is, but there's a big problem with it. Going to the gym every day and eating better are things everyone should do, but it's a lifestyle change and if you've ever tried to change your life, it's not easy. In my opinion, I think that's why so many people can't stick with it for more than a few weeks. 

Alright, so I didn't make any resolutions. Is it because I lack determination? No. Is it because I'm happy with my life? For the most part, yes, but that's not the reason.

I didn't make any resolutions because I didn't want to set myself up for failure. Instead, I'm enjoying this year with as few expectations of myself as possible. If I would have told myself, "Self, go to the gym at least three times a week and only eat salads for lunch and fruit for snacks," I would have already failed. There's a few other problems with that, too. First, I don't know where my ID is to go to the gym. Second, I can't afford to buy only fruit for snacks. It's just not in my poor college student budget. Third, I like my sweets. But, those reasons aren't that important.

Back to setting myself up to fail. I still plan to attempt to eat better (I think everyone does) and not necessarily go to the gym, but to continue to become more active. Yesterday I went grocery shopping. I am incredibly proud of myself. (No, it was not the first time I went by myself.) I bought ingredients for salads and healthy breakfasts. Dinner is still in the air. But, I did it because I wanted to do it. I didn't buy it because I "had" to buy it. I bought it because it's what I wanted. It's not because I have a list of expectations for myself. It's because I finally realized I have the ability to buy healthy food and if you try, you can stay within your budget (which I did.) I also bought a half-gallon of vanilla ice cream, but it just so happens that the low-fat one was the cheapest. 

I did all of this because I chose to be healthy, for this week at least. But, if I go off of my "diet," it's fine. If I don't work out one day, who cares? I've had enough of these expectations and trying to live up to someone's standards and not my own. New Year's resolutions are just another ploy for society to say you're not good enough the way you are. So, I say, "Screw 'em!"

If you have already messed up your resolutions, it's OK. Don't sweat it. Just do me a favor and think about why you made the resolutions you made. Who did you make them for: you or someone else? And, if you did make resolutions and things are going swell after these first three days, don't sweat it if/when you falter. It will be fine. As for me, I'm going to continue eating my fruit and yogurt parfait and buttery bagel. Then, I'm going to continue my resolutionless year. 

Passion

I recently got hooked on the HBO show, "The Newsroom." I cannot stop watching it. Every time I watch an episode, I get inspired and reminded why I chose to be a journalist. Despite the fact I'm not going into broadcast journalism, the stories are still there. The passion to get the truth out is there. The drive to get the story first is there.

I have such a passion for writing. I love to write. But, I love to tell truth more. I like to know things. I like to be curious. I like to know what is going on around me — and I know I'm not the only one.

People want to be informed. But, there is such a misconception of the media now. People see the media as liars and political puppets. They see bias and lies, not fairness and truth. I want to change that perception. I want people to know that journalists can be trusted. I want people to know the information they are getting is accurate and fair and balanced.

Why? It's because I'm passionate. It's because I care about what I want to do. I have dreams. I have goals. I have drive. I have all of these because I have passion. I have a thirst for truth. I have a desire to change things and I know I can do it. I want to be a journalist because I want to change things. I want to make a difference. I want to tell people's stories. I want people's voices to be heard. I want things to change.

I don't know what kinds of things I'll change, but I know I'll do something. I get an adrenaline rush just thinking about staying up late covering a breaking story or picturing myself in a newsroom in the middle of a crisis. I get excited when I see my name in a byline. I get overjoyed when I see people reading the work of my co-workers and myself. I have pride in what I do and I want others to see it.

I know I can't change people's opinions, but I can try to help them see something differently. I want to tell all sides of a story, even if there is only one. I want to do research. I want to work with people who are as dedicated and passionate as I am. I want to be a journalist. I want to be a muck-raking, dirt-digging, truth-uncovering journalist.

I love what I do and what I'm going to do. I don't think I'll ever stop. It's not about the money. It's not about the fame. It's about telling the truth and getting it out to where people can see it. It's about being credible. It's about having passion.

Big questions and honest answers

What really matters in life? Why bother living if we're just going to die anyway? I just want to be happy.

All of these are things I hear/read/see on, what seems like, a daily basis; and it's got me thinking about the answers to those questions. Now, being a Christian all my life I know the theological answers and I know what the "right" answer to say is, but that doesn't mean I agree with it.

First of all, what really matters in life? Well, lots of things matter. Friends, family, pets, work and school are just a few that come to mind off the top of my head. But, it seems like everybody wants a deeper answer than that. Everybody, myself included, wants bigger answers. I think the question is more than, "What really matters in life?" I think it is more like, "What really matters to me? What matters in my life? What kinds of things are important to me? How do I keep my priorities straight and not get distracted by what 'doesn't' matter?" I think that series of questions is closer to what we mean we simply ask, "What really matters in life?" Honestly, I'm not sure I can answer that question for myself, or anybody else actually. I mean, my family matters to me. My friends matter to me. My fiancé matters to me. My job matters to me. My schoolwork matters to me. My time spent with people I care about matters to me. My roommates matter to me. My health matters to me. I could keep going. But, just because those are some things that matter to me, doesn't mean they necessarily have to matter to you. Everybody is entitled to his or her own opinions and values. Both of those highly influence the way we determine whether something is important to us or not.

Next, why bother living if we're just going to die anyway? Seriously? That is probably the most pessimistic thought, ever. It's up there with, "Well, every second you're alive is just another second closer to death." If you're thinking that way all the time, please see a counselor. You need help. But seriously, what IS the point of living if we're just going to die? Again, I don't know. To me, the point of living is to enjoy every moment that surrounds you with the people who surround you. Living is being with people who make you feel "alive." Being alive is just pure joy and pure happiness, but again, that's my definition. However, it ties in nicely with the next sentence.

"I just want to be happy." Alright, if you "just want to be happy," you need to figure out what's making you so unhappy in the first place. Typically, if you're unhappy, you find ways to do things that make you happy. You play video games, go for a run, write, play an instrument, watch "Monty Python and the Holy Grail," watch YouTube, hang out with friends, the list goes on. You do things that make you happy. If you are so unhappy, then stop doing those things. If someone is in your life and they are constantly bringing you down, I say evaluate the relationship and determine if it is really worth all of the unhappiness the person is causing you. Quite seriously, if you want to be happy so badly that every time I get on Facebook and that's your status or if you're one of those people who like the status every time, I think you need to reevaluate your life and start making some big changes. I want everyone to be happy. I want everyone to enjoy themselves. I want everyone to feel alive.

I think the best way to sum up what I'm trying to say in this advice columnesque blog post is in a Relient K song. The song "College Kids" ends with this montra: "Do what will make you happy. Do what you feel is right. Only but one thing matters, learn how to live your life. Do what will make God happy. Do what you feel is right. Only but one thing matters, learn how to live your life."

Deuces.

Today.

I haven't blogged for the longest time. I've thought about it, but I just haven't done it.

School started and I am always busy now, but I'm OK with that. Being busy is kind of my thing. Amidst all the busyness though, I still manage to find time to over think anything and everything (usually when I'm falling asleep.)

The past few days I've been thinking about the fact that six years ago today I had my second heart surgery. I remember this surgery vividly. The first one I don't remember at all. I'd be concerned if I did because I was only a few days old.

For some reason, I remember so many details of this day and the days leading up to it and the days after it. I randomly start replaying things in my head. It's quite annoying, actually. It puts me in a bad mood and it brings me down. That's not OK.

I've spent yesterday and today in a mental battle of living in the present and living in the past. It's an odd place to be, but it's a place of growth to be quite honest.

Living in my past isn't going to change it. Reliving it isn't going to make it any better or any worse. Let the past be past. A friend of mine told me today that I have power over my thoughts. I have control of my mind. And, as a control freak, I was OK with hearing I have control over my mind even if it doesn't seem like I do.

I have the power to stop negative thoughts. I have the power to live in the present.

Those two sentences have so much meaning. They are statements that have a can-do attitude. They're positive, but they're so difficult to do.

I haven't gotten any answers on how to be present all the time. I actually am not succeeding a whole lot right now, but I just got a text that might help:

"Anytime one [a thought] comes back just say, Lord, I'm agreeing with the negative in life right now. And I want to agree positively with You. Help please. SOS."

All day, I've been telling myself, "It's Oct. 3, 2012 not Oct. 3, 2006. Today is its own day." Has it helped? Yeah. Am I still wrestling a lot of thoughts and emotions? Yeah.

I feel like there's a lot more I could write, but I think I'm going to stop because if I keep going, I'm going to either a.) get into too much detail 2.) start playing things through my head, which is what this whole post is about not doing and III.) this whole thing is just words, there isn't any kind of flow at all and my inner-writing nerd is telling me to stop before it gets worse.

I leave you with this: Today. That's all you need to focus on.

REALity check

What's up everybody? Summer has officially started and by that I mean the equinox happened and the season is officially summer, however, it's about 60 degrees outside. So, I mean, it's technically summer but it doesn't feel like it, that's for sure.
With it not feeling like summer, it got me thinking about other things that don't feel the way we think they should. Maybe not even necessarily things that don't feel the way we think they should, but things that frustrate us because they aren't what we want.
Tons of things frustrate me. Sometimes a dresser drawer not closing right is enough to make me want to (and sometimes I do) throw a temper tantrum because I get so frustrated. I want the drawer to close and it won't. I don't play very many video games for the same reason. I want my characters to do certain things and usually a user error prevents the character from doing that certain thing. Yeah, these are two relatively silly and petty examples, but on a bigger, more serious scale, I get frustrated when people are afraid to be real. I get frustrated when people are afraid of what is really going on in people's lives and in the world outside of their own.
Sometimes it's easy to talk about things that are "common." It's "easy" to talk about drama happening in your life. It's easy to talk about what he said and she said. It's not as easy to talk about the big stuff that people struggle with. In some places where it should be accepted and embraced, it's almost taboo.
Places like the church where we should be loving people and showing forgiveness and grace, we are shunning people and turning them away. We won't talk about sex, alcohol, divorce, death, drugs or anything that is "morally wrong." It's taboo. People have questions. I have questions. I know I'm afraid to ask some of them for fear of being judged.
We learn through asking questions. We learn through mistakes. We learn FROM mistakes. Why are we so afraid to share our mistakes? Why are we afraid to get real with people? Last summer when I was with sailing and windsurfing camp, they deans asked me to share my testimony. I did it willingly. It gave me a chance to tell the campers (who were all high schoolers) how sucky life can be. I've also learned since then, that life can keep getting worse even when you didn't think it could get any worse. After I shared what was essentially my first two years of high school, one of the deans thanked me for sharing because I was around the same age as most of the campers when all of that stuff was happening. When I was having open heart surgery and heart catheterizations and then my friend was killed, I was 14 and 15. My story hit home with those kids. That's what being real does, I think. It gives you an opportunity to help somebody, but, in a way, I think it helps you too.
What I mean is, when you're sharing something heavy with somebody or a group of people, you're making yourself vulnerable and exposing parts of yourself you've always kept hidden. You're letting people see inside you. And, as horrifying as that might be, it can actually end up being rather cathartic or just relieving. Things you've been holding onto for so long finally are just being shared and accepted. It feels good to get things off of your chest. You never know how your story will help somebody else. But, you know it won't help anybody at all if you don't share.
I think the best way we learn is through story and experience. We learn through hearing about other people's experiences and hear how they got through things. We try to apply what they say to our lives somehow. A lot of times what we hide from people the most are things that have hurt us or things that we regret or view as mistakes, but don't we learn from our mistakes? I think we do. We learn through our mistakes and we learn from them. Sometimes our scars from our hurts make for the best life lessons. Why wouldn't we want to share that with others? I think when we aren't real for fear of judgment or just because of straight up fear, we are being selfish. We would rather stay in our shame and wallow in our hurt than try to help somebody out of theirs and chances are, we'd probably help ourselves in the process.
I'm going to leave you with this thought: What is holding you back from being real? Use this as a reality check when you would rather keep something to yourself instead of open up. I know I'm going to start asking myself this question a lot more.